Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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