in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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