I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
