Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
