He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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