My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
