That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
