paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
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I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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