This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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