You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
