maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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