K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
