It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
