If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
two words...techno handjob
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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