If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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