If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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