I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
