This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just want nice things and good sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
