Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drake has all the answers
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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