Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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