I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize