and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
