I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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