I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
