Someone shit on the floor
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
