Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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