U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
