She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize