You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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