Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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