he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think people are normalizing furries
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
