i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
