I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
