i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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