How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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