did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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