I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
