So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
