Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
time to smoke my breakfast
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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