I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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