your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
