he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize