You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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