You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
