i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
