it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
