This is not my ceiling
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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