I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
