that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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