I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
