We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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