I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
