The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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