So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
