yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
