ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
