i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
